It's both exhilarating and terrifying to speak about God from a platform to "the faithful". Yesterday I had the privilege and responsibility of speaking to hundreds of people about "how to have a good fight". It was a conversation about the value of properly managing the process of working out differences, especially in the context of marriage - of an intentionality in conflict that leads to strength and maturity rather than the destruction of trust.
I mostly said the things I wanted to say and only chased one small rabbit that I can recall - not that anyone would even realize it when listening. If only I could measure success that easily. Afterwards was a mix of exhaustion and gratitude (that I got through it).
After lunch we went to Wallyworld to buy burgers and fixins for our home group on Sunday night. In the parking lot as we were leaving, an energetic women who had obviously heard me speak that morning came seemingly out of the blue and said with great enthusiasm "we had conflict at Chili's ordering our food!" All I could think to do was ask "Did you manage it well?". She said something to the effect of "we got stronger!".
I was grateful for the impromptu interaction. It was fun and encouraging. It gave me something to reflect on as the inevitable struggle ensued later that night. As I prepared for bed, the enormity of God hit me like a ton of bricks. I was overcome with the desire to fold up and rock, nursing the fear of having said something not quite right; grappling with the impact words have for good or bad; hoping I was faithful and effective.
In a way, I hope I never get over the slight nausea that follows when I speak publicly about God. I never want to lose sight of the fact that God is too big and too powerful and wise for me to grasp. That I am more dependent on him that I will ever understand. That his mercy and forgiveness will prevail. That the conflict inside makes me stronger and more mature when I submit to God.
I have only listened to part of the podcast, but this message sparked many thoughtful comments in our life group that Sunday night when we met. Thanks for doing this - the entire series that Jim finished on Sunday was surely very helpful to a lot of folks. It brought a lot of pain to some I know, but for me, it made me think about how much I need to re-dedicate myself to my marriage and family. I hope that whenever times get hard, I will lean upon's Jim's message from Sunday - "remember your promise". This will certainly help with marriage and family issues as I remember my vows, but it will also help when dealing with everyday issues and remembering my promise to God. God bless you brother. Take care.
Posted by: Jason | June 04, 2008 at 02:22 PM